


The truth of self

by Lysore



Series: The Choices of Beatrice Prior [4]
Category: Divergent (Movies), Divergent - All Media Types
Genre: Choosing Ceremony, Gen, Tris' PoV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-31
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2019-02-25 21:52:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13221966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lysore/pseuds/Lysore
Summary: Tris prides herself on her sarcastic nature and can be pretty direct even if it is mostly in her head.Dauntless isn't the only Faction that embodies bravery.





	The truth of self

**Author's Note:**

> The original works are not mine, never were, never will be. This is done purely for my own enjoyment, and yours too, should you happen to like what will follow. More specifically: some passages have been taken/paraphrased directly from the movie. Those passages are obviously even less mine.  
> On the other hand, since there is no beta, I can lay claim to all the mistakes present in the text !

The Choosing Ceremony stands as the biggest multi-Faction gathering of the year. A moment at the same time eagerly awaited yet dreaded. In my case, only the second option applies. That sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach has worsened since my failure at the Aptitude Test yesterday. I managed to fail the one Test where failing is impossible. I have always wanted to be special, unique, and my wish has been granted. Spectacularly so. So here I am, going through the doors of the amphitheatre that will host the Ceremony, minutes away from making the most important choice of my life. The problem is I have no idea what to choose. I intended to trust the Test. The Test was supposed to tell me the truth of where I belong: whether I am intelligent, honest, kind, selfless or brave.

I can admit, if only to myself, that while I was hoping the Test would tell me I wouldn’t have to leave my family and everything that is familiar to me behind today, I wished even more for the Test to declare the best Faction for me would be Dauntless. Again, wish granted. I got both. Oh and apparently I am also clever enough to be considered acceptable by Erudite standards.

Speaking of Erudite, my parents and my brother are coming to a stop in front of their leader.

“Morning, Jeanine,” my father says. His demeanour is uncommonly cold. Perhaps I shouldn’t be so surprised: Abnegation and Erudite do not have the best relationship nowadays.

“Good morning, Andrew.” Her answering tone is cool yet polite. “How is Marcus holding up?”

“As well as can be expected.”

Her traits twist in a sympathetic expression and she answers. “We need to find out who is behind these rumours.”

“I think we all know who it is,” my mother interrupts curtly and I cannot remember the last time I heard her adopt such a sharp tone. Is she suspecting Jeanine to be the one propagating those rumours? This would explain a lot of the tension between them. Or maybe Jeanine was in love with my father while he was in Erudite with her and she never forgave him for choosing to move to Abnegation after he met my mother. I prefer this idea: it is entertaining, albeit unlikely.

“If it is someone from Erudite, I promise you I will find out who they are.” Given Jeanine’s condescending tone, she caught my mother’s veiled accusation and doesn’t appreciate it. She should be more positive: if it is her, then she won’t have to deploy too many efforts to find out the origin of the rumour. She will just have to look in a mirror.

“These are your children,” Jeanine’s tone is suddenly suspiciously lighter as she turns toward Caleb and I. “I was unaware they were choosing today.” She focuses on my brother and extends her hand for him to shake. “What is your name?”

“I'm... I'm Caleb.” His unusual stutter and his blinding smile take me by surprise. He admires her? That’s surprising given the unflattering portrait my father brushes of her at home. “It is a pleasure to meet you.” No it isn’t. She doesn’t inspire me an ounce of trust. And if she lowers herself to spread baseless lies about our Faction leader, she doesn’t deserve any respect from me either.

“Jeanine Matthews,” she answers. Oh, really? We didn’t know. Yes, open sarcasm has always been my speciality. So far, it has been an underappreciated skill in Abnegation. Someone once told me it was more suitable for Candor members.

After Caleb, it’s my turn to be introduced. “And you are?”

Apparently, I take too long to come up with a polite answer because Caleb decides to cut in: “This is Beatrice.”

“You both have a big decision to make today. I am certain your parents will support whichever choice you will make,” she continues in that sickly sweet tone she started using ever since she began speaking to us, the Prior children.

“It's not supposed to be a choice. The Test should tell us what to do.” The words are out before I can reign them in. Why did I have to discover today of all days that I have a Candor’s tendency to blurt out everything that is on my mind?

“You are still free to choose.” Her tone is still light but her blue eyes are openly cold now. Her true feelings are starting to show.

“But you don't really want that,” since I am started, I might as well get an honest answer out of her, right?

“Beatrice...” Caleb tries to intervene but Jeanine interrupts him.

“I want you to choose according to who you truly are and where you truly belong. Not on a whim. Not because you wish you were someone you are not, but because you honestly know yourself. I want you to choose wisely. And I know you will.”

She might actually believe that. She looked convinced enough when she was saying it. And as loath as I am to admit it, it is a sound reasoning.

My parents bid Jeanine goodbye and we take our seats in our section of the room while Jeanine steps on the stage.

“The Faction system is a living being composed of cells, all of you. The only way it can survive and thrive is for each of you to claim your rightful place. The future belongs to those who know where they belong.”

And isn’t that the problem? I still don’t know where I truly belong while everyone else around me seems to be at ease and free of doubts. Maybe the others always knew which Faction is the best for them and the Test only confirmed their initial guesses. It could even be why the Test didn’t work on me. But it would also mean it doesn’t tell anyone the truth about where they actually belong. So in the end, instead of eliminating two Factions, the Test didn’t eliminate any and I am back at ground zero. Fantastic.

“When you leave this room, you will no longer be Dependents but full-fledged members of our society. Faction before blood.” Marcus has taken the stage after Jeanine and we all dutifully repeat his last words, the motto of our city. They echo Jeanine’s declaration from before, about choosing according to who I truly am. My decision will affect my entire life so I can’t afford to choose for my family. That would mean I would be actively going against the system. I would be setting myself up for failing. That’s not exactly the perfect outcome.

Marcus starts to call the first names. My mother chooses the same moment to take my hand in hers and give it a gentle squeeze before whispering, “I love you... No matter what.” It is as though she is reading my mind, telling me that nothing will change in her heart even if I decide to leave her and my father. I sigh. Of course, she knows about my doubts. Not only is she very observant, I am also a  rather transparent person. People can usually read me like an open book and every time I attempt to lie, everyone always know I am not telling the truth. Maybe I should just stop lying altogether. No-one ever believes me anyway.

There I go again, thinking about truth and Candor. I am supposed to try and see if I am more Dauntless or Abnegation material, not entertain thoughts regarding a third Faction. Then again, Dauntless and Candor are not that different. After all, being forever truthful is a form of bravery and people need courage to own up to their opinions all the time. So thinking about Candor isn’t so farfetched in the end. Both are brave. Both are selfish too: choosing to be always truthful can be hurtful towards others. Could I ever fully appreciate that? No innuendos or misunderstandings? No question I am forbidden to ask? Having the freedom to defend my opinion whenever I want? I could. Such freedom comes at a price though.

“Caleb Prior.”

It’s already Caleb’s turn. I catch his eyes as he stands up. He offers me a small smile in return. I watch him walk up to the bowls, take the knife, cut his palm open, and his choice makes the room go from politely attentive to chaotic. Did I really see his blood fall into Erudite’s bowl? This is so unbelievable I must have hallucinated it. But as Marcus calls and then shouts for calm, I realise Caleb truly chose to leave us for the blue Faction whose members are currently clapping smugly.

“Beatrice Prior.”

In answer to my name, I leave my seat and start descending the stairs. On the way, the mind numbing effect of this unwelcome surprise gives way to anger. I can’t accept this. If this is the reason why Caleb was so shaken after his Test, if he  followed the result it gave him just like I would have had it worked correctly on me, then I am glad it told me I am Divergent. Questioning the Test is the right course of action, I am certain of it now. Caleb is Abnegation material through and through. If the Test couldn’t give a good result to someone as easily classifiable as Caleb, then it can’t recognise what makes a good Faction member. Because I know I am right about Caleb’s real Faction.

As I come to a stop in front of the bowls, I take a succession of deep breaths to force myself to calm down. It works after a few series and I take the knife reluctantly. I know I have to resign myself to choose Abnegation. At least one of us must stay with my parents. Since Caleb transferred, it has to be me. But my mother’s encouraging behaviour from earlier seems to indicate I can still choose freely, without guilt. Jeanine’s speech is still echoing in my head too. No matter what I think of her, I have to admit she had a point earlier. I need to choose wisely, according to who I truly am. I need to find my place and I am painfully aware I would lead a mostly miserable life in Abnegation. We are supposed to pick the Faction where we can thrive, flourish. I mustn’t make a choice I know I will regret for most of my life.

I drag the knife across my palm and watch as blood starts to swell from the cut. I am selfish. I can be brave. I chance a look over my shoulder at the Dauntless section. I could become one of them: hairstyle, tattoos, piercings, and all. I start to turn back but my eyes I pick up the black and white present at the edge of my vision. Maybe I could go to Candor?

I have been thinking quite a lot about the honest Faction recently. If I can manage to be truthful and only get the truth in return, I will eventually know who I am at the core of my being. Isn’t it what I was hoping the Test would tell me? This unanswered question that has been eating at me for years? Even better, when I finally know the truth about myself, I will even fit in this Faction. It would be a difficult choice for me, especially at the beginning, but I believe being honest all the time can be feasible. It’s just a good habit to take, right?

It could even prove to be the right decision: if there is one Faction that will listen to me were I to tell them the Test is flawed and doesn’t tell people where they belong but where they unconsciously believe they belong, it is Candor. They won’t dismiss me, they love a good debate so I shall have to defend my position, explain to them how the Test was criminally wrong about Caleb, how it can even be perilous for the survival of our society. Ultimately, I could even help launch a reform of the Test so in the future, it will function as it was always supposed to and tell everyone where their true place is.

My blood is coating most of my hands now and some drops are starting to fall at my feet. I need to stop hesitating and decide whether my future will unfold in selfless Abnegation, or into one of the brave factions: daring Dauntless, or brazen Candor.

My whole body is trembling as my eyes flicker faster and faster between the bowls, back and forth, from left to right: stones, coals, glass, stones, coals, glass, coals, glass, coals, glass, coals, ...

Who am I even trying to fool here? There is only me and I know what I want. My decision made, I untangle my fingers, plant my feet firmly into the ground and brusquely push my hand over to a bowl on my right.

I am selfish. I am brave. I want to change things. And more than anything, I want to know the truth.

**Author's Note:**

> There's a photoset for the story: [here](https://lysore-writes.tumblr.com/post/175038453765/the-truth-of-self-on-ao3-if-the-test-couldnt) (it's hosted on Tumblr)


End file.
